With communicating one’s needs effectively in relationships, Dr. Christiana Awosan, PhD, LMFT, Marriage & Family Therapist, Ibisanmi Relational Health, refers to one of her mentors’ model called Validate, Challenge, Request (VCR). According to Kenneth V. Hardy, PhD, VCR is:
V – Validate:
What your partner is doing that you appreciate and adds meaning to your life and relationship, particularly in the area that your needs are not being met in the relationship. An example is this: “I appreciate your thought and taking the time to plan date nights and…”
C – Challenge:
Gently challenge the area that you feel needs to improve with regards to how your needs are not being met. Continue with the example: “…and at the same time, it is difficult for me to think you are being sincere about spending time together when you’re consistently late to the date…”
R – Request:
Make a specific request about what you need from your partner. Finish with the example: “…I will very much appreciate it if you can call or text me when you are going to be late.”
Communicating your needs effectively, that is in ways your partner will hear, is critical to getting your needs met in the relationship, and can positively impact your sexual, emotional and relational bonds. Make sure that both of you are working on behalf of your love for each other and not tear each other down.