3 Steps to Effectively Communicating Your Needs in a Relationship

communicating effectively: paper Cut Social Media Icons in Speech Bubble to communicate

With communicating one’s needs effectively in relationships, Dr. Christiana Awosan, PhD, LMFT, Marriage & Family Therapist, Ibisanmi Relational Health, refers to one of her mentors’ model called Validate, Challenge, Request (VCR). According to Kenneth V. Hardy, PhD, VCR is:

V – Validate:

What your partner is doing that you appreciate and adds meaning to your life and relationship, particularly in the area that your needs are not being met in the relationship. An example is this: “I appreciate your thought and taking the time to plan date nights and…”

C – Challenge:

Gently challenge the area that you feel needs to improve with regards to how your needs are not being met. Continue with the example: “…and at the same time, it is difficult for me to think you are being sincere about spending time together when you’re consistently late to the date…”

R – Request:

Make a specific request about what you need from your partner. Finish with the example: “…I will very much appreciate it if you can call or text me when you are going to be late.”

Communicating your needs effectively, that is in ways your partner will hear, is critical to getting your needs met in the relationship, and can positively impact your sexual, emotional and relational bonds. Make sure that both of you are working on behalf of your love for each other and not tear each other down.

Author

  • Dr. Christiana Ibilola Awosan

    Christiana Ibilola Awosan, Ph.D. Relationship Enhancer, is a Couple and Family Therapist. She was trained as a Marriage and Family Therapist at Syracuse University and completed her doctorate degree in Couple and Family Therapist at Drexel University. For the past eight years, Dr. Awosan has been working with individuals and couples in nurturing and enhancing their relationships with themselves and romantic partners. She is passionate about her work because it gives her the opportunity to help and empower individuals and couples to strengthen, heal, and be an effective expert of their relationships.