Confidence is easy to claim in one’s self. What isn’t easy though, is admitting a lack of it and the need for a boost. Low self-esteem comes with a host of complicated emotions that require attention, self-evaluation and introspection, something a lot of people don’t like or know how to deal with. But what if you had a bit of help, such as tips to assist you to easily identify lack of self-confidence in any aspect of your life? Ghana-based Counseling Psychologist, Julianna Asare-Amankwah, Evolve Counsel, says there are several ways, including the following, to know when it’s time for the exercise.
What are the signs?
Start by answering the following questions.
- Do you often catch yourself putting up a false front to impress others? For example, you are unable to leave the house without make-up or primping.
- When alone in social situations, you start fiddling with your phone.
- Do you always try to appease others, say sorry all the time, even when it’s not your fault or necessary and feel guilty constantly?
- Do you compare yourself to others?
- You don’t trust true compliments, you always put yourself down and have difficulty setting personal boundaries.
- You are afraid to speak up, in case you ‘rock’ the boat.
- You are very indecisive or cannot trust your own opinion.
“If you answered yes to a majority of these, chances are that you have low self esteem,” says Asare-Amankwah. “Fortunately, self-esteem isn’t permanent. You can grow your self-worth. As with everything, it takes time and practice to develop respect, appreciation and unconditional love for yourself.”
How to boost it
Asare-Amankwah explains, “The key to high self-esteem is this: unconditional love for yourself. And by this I don’t mean superficially buying fancy clothes, perfume etc and taking a billion selfies to ‘prove’ you are pretty all the while claiming to love yourself! No!”
“What I mean is taking time out to get to know yourself, putting yourself first, truly caring for yourself. No, it’s not selfish, it’s healthy to have ‘me time’. Figure out what brings you joy; a hobby, a pet, going for walks etc. And do it. Make time for it and set firm boundaries so you can accomplish it. Let your friends and family know that at this time, I am busy. Turn your phone off or turn on ‘Do not disturb’ and enjoy your favourite activity,” she clarifies.
How long will it take before you start to see improvements in your attitude and mood? Well, for every new behavior, you’ll need consistency for a few weeks before you begin to observe actual change. (See topic on how to make new habits stick).
“Soon you will find that you love spending time with yourself and that you actually ‘like’ yourself, so it becomes difficult to accept or even tolerate negative views about yourself. You will feel proud of who you are and will make sure you have everything you need. Others will notice this and be mindful of how they interact with you too,” confirms Asare-Amankwah.