I am not complaining, I am just wondering. I am puzzled by the number of women who seem to be self-shielded from what is good for them. I am perplexed by many of these women who inadvertently tend to seek to be hurt in their quest to find and be loved. I am amazed that even the laws of nature seem to apply when they should not apply, and I am most staggered that they apply to us humans who have detached ourselves so far from what is deemed nature and being natural. But before I aggravate you any longer from guessing the reasons for my astonishment I will spill it and say: I wonder why it is obviously nearly impossible for a good man to find a good woman and vice versa.
What sparked my amazement were many conversations I have had both with male and female friends who had been complaining about the absence of adequate partners in their lives. After listening to some of my female friends I should think there are no good men out there, which of course I know is not true. Nonetheless I understand where their frustrations come from and why they perceive their situation as somewhat disturbing.
Since I regard most of my male friends as good men and great match for any suitable lady, I have had to ask myself whether the men I know are simply so special or that the women I have been talking to simply had bad luck or experiences with men. And of course, I wonder why I seem to know many great women and men but both sides complain about the same problem; the right ones just do not find each other.
The reality in the result of laws of nature, where opposites attract, in matchmaking seems to be producing a trend where many good men are complaining about their inability to find the right partner or just giving up belief in the existence of a suitable match.
This unlocks the subject of women mysteriously being attracted to men who label themselves as “bad boys.” As men, we marvel at women who fall into self-abusive patterns by falling for men who would most likely to hurt them and send them crying back to us, just for us to be more amazed by their actions when they should have clearly seen destruction from their initial encounter. Perhaps this realization is easily identified by us because we know our fellow X-Y chromosome carriers better than women. Or perhaps these women believe they can somehow channel a bad boy’s machismo into an exiting, passionate long-lasting relationship and get the best of both worlds – wrong!
Now, the above characterization by no means suggests that the regular good men I have mentioned in this piece are dull or boring. The men I speak of are cool, passionate men with exiting personalities who, to use modern urban diction, got game. The only blatant difference is that they play the game and try to obey the rules! Now there is definitely something wrong with the nature of the game if you can hardly win a game because you try to play fair. Shouldn’t it be self-evident that those of us who play a fair game should be entitled to more than consolation prizes?
In the book “When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost,” Joan Morgan vividly discusses the struggles of strong, emancipated, black women of finding reliable black men who actually live up to their potential. She dwells on the subject of single motherhood and especially the dramatic rise of single black mothers, suggesting that a strong sense of self-respect combined with intellect and valid claims complicates the search for a partner that fits the bill. Undoubtedly, her deliberations capture a feeling felt by many women, but certainly their male counterparts can tell a similar story. The following lines are taken from the song “Pain,” written by the rapper Murs:
I wanna be picked up, held tight and kissed
But things like these don’t happen to dudes like me
Because I’m more Coldplay than I am Ice-T
They say that good girls love bad guys and that might be
But a bad girl with a good guy, that’s unlikely…
He describes a similar dilemma but from a man’s perspective, indicating how hard it is to just be himself and still be regarded as attractive and potential target by females. Although the last line of this excerpt from the song’s lyrics might make listeners think Murs is hoping to get a bad girl for fun purposes, the overall tone of the song is a different one. He expresses his discontent with being in his mid-twenties unable to settle because there is no partner in sight.
Having listened to both sides of the story I am left puzzled by the reasons for these unsatisfactory situations, but knowing the persons behind the stories makes me confident that in human nature even parallels can attract each other.