Expert Tips On How To Argue Healthily In Your Relationships

relationships - black couple in a hug

 

Someone may ask, ‘Can arguing really be healthy?’ The answer is yes. Partners who argue with each other show that they care about each other and their relationships. So when does argument become unhealthy in relationships? (Read our piece on healthy relationships)

  1. When partners aim to destroy each other.
  2. When partners see each other as the enemy instead of the issue they are arguing about.
  3. When partners stop working on behalf of their relationships.
  4. When partners are more concerned about “being right” than being caring and loving toward each other.

So, to engage in healthy argument with your partner make sure that:

  1. Your goal is not to humiliate and shame each other.
  2. You remember that your partner is not your enemy. The issue that you two are arguing about needs to be the target and not your partner.
  3. Keep in mind that this is an aspect of your relationship that is not working right now and needs improvement. Thus, work on behalf of the relationship, knowing that every relationship needs work and struggle is part of building healthy relationships.
  4. Keep your ego out of the argument. You’re not always going to be right and you both have a responsibility in your reactions to each other and love for each other.

Remember, healthy arguing means you care about each other and you desire for your relationship to grow and flourish. As the biblical scripture says “iron sharpens iron” and this requires arguing in ways that are caring and loving.

Do you have any comments about healthy arguing? Post them in our comment box below!

 

Author

  • Dr. Christiana Ibilola Awosan

    Christiana Ibilola Awosan, Ph.D. Relationship Enhancer, is a Couple and Family Therapist. She was trained as a Marriage and Family Therapist at Syracuse University and completed her doctorate degree in Couple and Family Therapist at Drexel University. For the past eight years, Dr. Awosan has been working with individuals and couples in nurturing and enhancing their relationships with themselves and romantic partners. She is passionate about her work because it gives her the opportunity to help and empower individuals and couples to strengthen, heal, and be an effective expert of their relationships.