Parenting has never been an easy journey and could possibly be one of the reasons why the African proverb “It takes a village to raise a child” is so powerful. While this adage is true, it’s important to understand that it takes a parent to ensure a child has the right foundation to begin with. Regardless of where you are in your parenting journey, it helps to be reminded of where your focus should be. Here are six areas of focus that continue to guide me through the process.
Your spiritual life is key
Immerse yourself in a strong source of spirituality and build consistency with what you practice. Over time, it becomes a natural part of your conversations with your children and your actions towards them will reflect this.
Choose the right friends
Relationships are integral to a healthy spiritual, emotional, mental and physical life. Who you bring into your life and family is important, and especially when there are children involved, you must choose wisely. Teach your children, while they’re young, elements of healthy relationships through what and who you expose them to and motivate them to seek positive, healthy friendships. Do you always gossip about your so-called close friends while your children are around you? If so, what this tells them is that it’s not important to value close friendships. Children are curious, and one as young as three years can easily pick up a lot of information and lessons from adult conversations. Protect them.
Show them their worth
I’m currently reading a devotional by Dr. Charles Stanley on parenting God’s way and this topic has been a powerful one for me. That having a sense of confidence is rooted in knowing your personal value, which parents are able to instill by building a space that fosters a sense of belonging, competence and worth. According to Dr. Stanley, traditions and other activities you do together as a family will make children feel connected and remind them that they belong. For competence, it’s important to help your child feel he or she can do anything by saying encouraging words that build confidence in their capabilities. Lastly, let your children know that they’re cherished – talk to them, listen and make time to meet their needs. Teach them how much they’re worth in God’s eyes and they’ll grow up referring to it at different points in their lives.
Discipline but with love
Learn to separate unpleasant behavior from who your children are as gifts from God. This helps to approach any situation, regardless of how you feel towards them, with unquestioning love. It’s crucial to make it known that you lovingly accept them while making it clear their behavior is unacceptable. For instance, if you have infants, one way to apply this is by giving them a hug and kiss and saying “I love you” after punishment or scolding.
Lead by example
Children pick up and develop their parents’ behaviors and traits, hence it’s important that what you exhibit is character building. For example, if you instruct them to apologize when they hurt someone, you must ensure that you demonstrate this around them.
Create traditions
Special holiday rituals aren’t the only traditions you should focus on. Weekly activities can turn into traditions, either as a family or just between parent and children. For instance, if you have a garden or plants in the house, decide on a day in the week to water them together with your kids. Children love to help out around the house and when you create routines they enjoy, they form part of your bonding moments with them well into adulthood.