Do you still have that old T-shirt that belongs to an ex-boyfriend? Are there still pictures of you together on your Facebook page or in a keep sake box? Do you still read that old love letter your ex-girlfriend sent you? At what point should one get rid of old memories? No matter how a relationship ended, you will always have that experience, and the memories of the time you shared, but is it a good idea to hold on to little keep sakes from past loves?
A friend of mine told me once that if she ever broke up with her boyfriend she would take every single picture she had of him down (and probably burn it from the tone of her voice). I have heard some women say that they would box everything up that they’d ever gotten from an ex beau and ship it back to him and throw it all away. They did not want to be reminded of what they had at some point in the past. Other women, however, have said that they would not return anything, and that the things they had received from an ex while in a relationship legitimately belonged to them and so should remain in their possession, memory or not.
From the male perspective, it all depends on what was given, and why. A male friend of mine notes that “If we’re talking about a gift that has significant, deep meaning that is connected to notable events and emotions I would get rid of it. If they are random gifts no big deal.” It is interesting that the things with little meaning are the things he would hold on to, while those things which mean the most would get replaced. He also added, “You have to pay special attention to that. You need to really ask yourself why you are keeping these things.” You should ask yourself how feasible is it that you have moved on and looking towards the future if you’re still holding on to something or someone from the past?
Is holding on to a memory a good idea, particularly if you ended on bad terms? What about an ending that does not necessarily have any bad feelings attached to it? And what about those things that were not obvious gifts, things like articles of clothing or some other such item that inadvertently made its way into your personal belongings? I think the question of what is a healthy way to deal with all of this is to pay attention to your own emotions. Does the thought of returning an expensive piece of jewelry or a book or painting upset you more than having that reminder of someone in your belongings? Then you should probably hold on to it. However, if looking at something that was given to you by someone you used to be in a relationship with causes you to travel down memory lane…and dwell there then maybe it is time to replace those things with some things of your own.