Why do some women stay in unhealthy relationships? Could it be a result of low sense of self-esteem and self-worth? A more common reason, especially in African society, is dependency. Most Africans aren’t taught to be financially independent, or independent in any way. In fact, some African parents encourage their daughters to be submissive housewives in order not to end up on the streets. In cases where domestic violence is broadcast and reported online, other women interestingly blame the victim to be the cause of the abuse. A woman who remains in a toxic relationship is often scared of being judged by others. Perhaps she feels too emotionally weak to leave even when she knows she should? But how can she tell she’s in one?
Unhealthy relationship
Quite a lot of people lack sympathy and understanding for people in unhealthy relationships. Instead, they are harshly judged and criticized, while being told they should “know better.” Love is not a light matter. It makes people act in ways they might not be proud of.
Unhealthy relationships don’t only entail abuse. They also include unreciprocated feelings, a lack of respect, constant criticism, gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and a whole range of others. The root cause could just simply be a lack of compatibility between you and your partner. Unfortunately, a lot of people get into relationships because of their emotions. But it’s all too easy to be led by those emotions, even with the hundreds of red flags that spring up before and during the course of the relationship.
In the case of abusive relationships, some women assume they can change their partner if they constantly shower them with love. But people do not change unless they wish to. No amount of pressure or love from your end is enough to change someone who is unbudging. It’s best to walk away when you still have the time to. A good thinking pattern that has helped a lot of women is the thought “I will break my own heart if it means putting myself first.” Because to truly leave an unhealthy relationship, you do have to put yourself first.
What a healthy relationship is and is not
It can also be incredibly difficult to recognize that you are in an unhealthy relationship. So, begin by eliminating what a healthy relationship is not. A healthy relationship should not constantly leave you feeling sad. Neither should it constantly make you doubt yourself or feel one-sided. A healthy relationship does not include violence, it is not manipulative and it shouldn’t draw you away from your friends and family. A healthy relationship is not controlling and it definitely shouldn’t feel conflicting and confusing.
For a relationship to work, both partners should hold an equal amount of love and respect for one another. There should be freedom of communication. A healthy relationship is a friendship too. A healthy relationship should be light-hearted and fun. And a healthy relationship validates the emotions of both parties. When there is an issue, it should be an “us vs the issue” mentality, not a “me vs you” mentality. There should be an equal amount of love.
So ask yourself now, are you in an unhealthy relationship?