“Who’s marrying her?” was a question blurted out at a social gathering where the subject of a lady getting married came up. What prompted this query, delivered in a very sarcastic and I-feel-sorry-for-her tone, was the fact that this woman who’s in her late 30s has been “waiting” for a while. The disturbing aspect of the question was the laugh that followed, also intimating that this woman hadn’t been able to “find” a man to “marry her.” The sad part? This comment came from another woman, who’s married with two children. What stood out to me as I observed the entire exchange was that one woman was getting tough on another woman for being unmarried in her late 30s and I asked myself, is this a projection of personal insecurities?
Could this woman have fallen victim to the pressures of being married with children at a certain age that she found it okay to prey upon another?
A few years ago I heard a story of a 26-year-old woman whose mother pressured her for not being married at that age because she would be considered by others as a woman without character or worth. We have all known women or heard stories about women who over-compromised or rushed relationships for the sake of receiving the “Mrs.” title. But where are most of these women now? They’re either wasting their lives away in unfulfilled marriages or signing divorce papers and preparing themselves for a fresh start in life.
This piece is not meant to condemn marriage, not at all. In fact, if a woman and a man are discover the best in themselves, explore love together and want to build a future together by getting married, that is beautiful and empowering.
This topic of desperate women and men rushing into marriages cannot be exploited enough, because we see the cycle repeat itself over and over again.
For some time, most of the blame has been dumped on desperate mothers who claim to want the “best” for their daughters, completely oblivious to the fact that every individual defines and pursues happiness in a way that speaks to her spirit. It is important to note though, that every woman possesses the ability to stand up for herself – you choose to use it or not.
Back to the “Who’s marrying her?” question: I’m happy that this 38-year-old woman found love and got married. But I’ll say that marriage doesn’t define her and hopefully, she believes that too.
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